If you're a grown-up and haven't looked back on your childhood with confusion and disdain, then we might be a different species. With all the hidden jokes and subliminal messages we were force-fed as youngins, how hasn't your childhood already been changed? We're not even going to mention the people whose childhood was changed during their childhood. Except we didjust mention it, accidentally.
The thing is, whether or not you caught on to the weird stuff spliced into our youth or not, our generation has decided totwist basically everything we experienced as kids. Fear not, weary readers, if your childhood has yet to be changed, we hope we can fix that for you. And we hope that we do. But look at it this way, if you have kids of your own, you can take it out on them.
It's not like it really even matters if something from Nintendo does ruin your childhood. First of all, you probably deserve it. But the point is that without Nintendo in our earlier days, we'd probablybe way less cool as we are now. Not sure about the rest of you people, but winning video game trivia at the localhotspot on a slow night is what we live for. That and Doritos dipped in honey.They're awesome.
27 The Acceptance
The reason this entry is the first you're seeing is because of how awesome Bomberman looks up close. Just look at that jawline. He looks like a ninja that drops grenades everywhere and blows things up rather than the awkwardbig-headed cartoon dude from the past. This guy looks like the real deal, a hero we can rally behind and support withweekly donations.
Despite the fact that this is what Bomberman always looked like up close, it changes everything about the way we feel about the game. The situation Bomberman is in, in this meme, happened to every person who played the game at some point. If any of us dropped a bomb and it was so huge that it blocked our path of escape, take solace in the explosion vaporizing you instantaneously, probably causing no pain. Just endless dark and torment.
26 Blocks Of Burden
This is how most of us get our money. Throughhitting blocks. No, we're just kidding, we get it from gently caressing the question mark box until it's ready to pay. It's a much softer, much more romantic scenario of handling money. There's simply no way to avoid what we all know we need, and depend on.
It's the pillar of our lifestyles.
To think that every single block that Mario breaks or procures items from is a sentient piece is horrifying. Not so bad that you'll have nightmares, but bad enough to make you want to hug your mom. Or someone else's mom. Think about those blocks in the game where you hit them for like 30 coins one right after the other. Definitely some trauma to come from that situation. Sign me up.
Comic by Tally The Short.
25 Better Than A Retirement Home
Is this a possibility to do with old people? Have we realized that it'd be best that if the first humans to be digitized and stored were the old people? We're not old, we're young, we have decades left. But old people. The clock ticks and they feel it in the old people bones that we think are made of bread or something. They need to be preserved in a way that they're owed.
Old people fought in wars, man.
They had to use candles and stuff because of, you know... the past and whatever. Now they live in a world of people eating Tide Pods, robots, and light bulbs. The best place in the world for these newly digitized old people would be in PokéBalls. We could bring them wherever we go and not have to listen to their stories. You know, since they're old...
Comic by SafelyEndangered.
24 The Zebes Connection
In the Metroid universe, the Metroid creature itself is considered one of the deadliest species to exist. It's lack of weaknesses and power sucking abilities make the flying jellyfish so intense that they are the focus of the series. So it definitely would be peculiar to see one chilling around Samus acting like they're friends and not draining the life from her.
But now we know why. In one of the earlier games, Samus saves a baby Metroid's life and it ends up saving her later on by absorbing the powers of Mother Brain and giving them to Samus. It's a pretty awesome ending. That Metroid she saves thinks that Samus is its mother. And what do babies need from their mothers? Milk.
Comic by Nerf Now.
23 Something To Smile For
You realize that when you get older the world is sort of a terrible place with pockets of stuff that is okay enough to live for. As a child, everything is great, crying is acceptable, and sadness is rewarded with care from those around you. At least we hope that's what most childhoods are like. The problem is when you get to adulthood and sadness becomes the only sandwich you have meat for.
Learning the new emotion in a game and utilizing it as part of the mechanics is one thing, but living it is another.
It has to be a harsh life to be sad all the time. Not having money. Not having enough chicken nuggets. These are the problems of a grown-up life that when you look back to the younger days, realized you could have gotten away with so much more.
22 Goodbye, Crocodile Hunter
This meme gets us for two reasons. The first reason is the realization that the Crocodile Hunter has been long gone for many a year. It's hurtful to think about it and also accept the fear of stingrays increased by ten million percent that day. The second reason is that Professor Oak thinks its okay to make fun of the Crocodile Hunter and get away with it.
All of us should boycott Professor Oak and find a way to steal all his money. Then we take his dignity and his self-respect. Put all of that into a blender and make him watch as we pour it into the sewer with all the Rattatas. Actually, let's go ahead and put some Rattatas in the blender as well. They've been getting a bit too bold lately and need to be reminded who rules the surface.
21 A One-Level Life
In the past, we've figured out that all Yoshis go to heaven. Which sort of takes the sting out of the intense sadness we gain from this meme. Yoshi is doing a good thing, he's keeping Mario alive so he can continue his quest to save the royalty of Mushroom Kingdom. But the true issue of this scenario is not the loss of Yoshi, it's the small window of life it is given to receive this torment.
The only time you get a Yoshi in the earlier games was when he was hatched from an egg and thrown into battle.
So that means that you're dealing with a baby, riding a baby. And when Mario needs the extra boost to make it to a high up ledge and kicks off of Yoshi, he's doing it to a baby. So this thing comes into life, makes a friend, fights enemies, and gets thrown into the depths. Heartbreaking stuff.
20 Dark Creations
There was no opportunity for there to be a Dark Ness in any of the Earthbound games. It's sort of too close to home and too inappropriate. Sort of like some people see the Pokémon Jynx and Mr. Popo from Dragon Ball as inappropriate. The whole idea of blackfacehas put a sour taste in the mouth of millions. And rightfully so.
So three cheers for the creators of Earthbound for not being complete fools and bringing a stain to the Nintendo name. Everyone else got away with making dark characters, but the simple fact that none of them are human is their saving grace. Feel free to hate on those games anyway, they aren't going anywhere anytime soon.
19 Thug Life
It becomes apparent during the long quest of Pokémonthat you are a complete and utter tyrant lumbering through the tall grass, smashing through any wild creature foolish enough to beg for you to reach into your pocket and do wizard battling. Not really wizard battling, but there's some sort of magic going on there.
Once you realize this undeniable fact about the gameplay, things sort of change.
When people realize they're monsters, they tend to either fix the wrongdoing and change for the better or accept their fate as the chaos within ourselves we all wish we could unleash. The savage inside brimming to escape and steal candy from babies. InPokémon,as we grow in power, we toss aside the notion of being nice andend all who stand before us all the way to the Elite Four, with nonstop K.O.'s.
18 We Recognize The Stranger
Can you imagine if this guy showed up to your house to fix your pipes? Well, you should be able to because it's not even that big of a deal. Millions of people don't wear dumb hats and shave their lips. It's not that serious. The serious part is when a person with facial hair decides to shave their face and you realize you'd never even seen that part of their face and it is great that you never saw it because it's disgusting.
Fortunately for Mario, he doesn't look too bad in this picture. In fact, he looks a lot like the guy from that movie Up! as a younger man and not an elderly one. You all know the movie. It has the fat kid and the balloons in the flying house. We can't help but think that that film would have been better if Mario was in it. Prove us wrong.
17 The Masks We Wear
The greatest thing about Majora's Mask, in some of our opinions, is the masks themselves. There's a lot to love in the classic N64 game, but the ability to change and use different abilities from the characters you meet and get masks from is awesome. But what they go through and what Link goes through to receive them are pretty epic and not all happy endings.
But the sacrifices that are made in the vast stories of the video games we love are what make them so great.
Think of all the epic levels and quest given to us that may be forgotten but totally left an unconscious mark on our minds. It's a small influence of character or world building that keeps us invested and needing to discover more. Or you can just watch someone else beat games on YouTube.
Comic by TimeCowboy.
16 ForSome Eye Candy
The important part of heroic heroes and beautiful princesses is that they were sort of like role models for us in a way. They're being brought into the new century and need the added appeal. The problem is that Nintendo is going more for theunclothed guy rather than the female. Which is fine. We all needed to see Link shirtless anyway. For many years.
It seems like a great idea to be able to take off your character's clothes and run aroundbare in video games. Going streaking is a fantasy of real-life people. So it's got a place in the video game world. The freeing feeling of the sun on your bare chest. Wind ripping along your inner thighs.
15 Do Not Take Breaks
Did anyone ever take the warnings or recommendations about video games seriously? Where they tell you not to stare at a television for extended periods of time or else it'll melt your eyes or something. What even is the negative of staring at these things? In our opinion, they make you smarter. Things like computers or videogames or even... smartphones. What is the point of the name if it isn't a little true.
What kind of person takes a break every 45 minutes of their gaming session? There have been times when a friend of mine woke up and started playing Fallout 3before I went to work, and by the time I had gotten home the person had only moved to go to the bathroom. There is no time for breaks. Every second that you spend away from the controller or the keyboard is time your enemies get better than you.
14 Cemetery Of Mushroom Kingdom
It's easy to play through levels of games over and over again trying to figure out the best way or the fastest way to accomplish your goal. Oftentimes you lose or the character perishes and another life is going to to be sacrificed for the next run through. Where do you think those bodies go?
And who do you think mourns over the loss? All of us.
It's maybe not the best way to imagine life using a process of older Nintendo games, but you have to think that the 1up mushrooms must have some sort of power that we are currently ignoring. Maybe the green life mushroom offers some sort of cloning type thing where the eating of the mushroom allows for Mario's consciousness to be saved but his body cast aside. That's what he never told Peach. Hence the mourning.
13 E For Everyone
When the N64 came out there were so many different games that were just awesome. There was the iconic Mario 64, Goldeneye, and Starfox 64, that were all must plays. They were what the people were talking about at the lunch circles at recess. But then an RPG came along called the Ocarina Of Time and any who played it was part of history.
Without OOT, we don't get games like Skyrim and Kingdom Hearts. Or maybe we do, but let's give it some added credit. The thing was this may not have been a game for kids. There was some serious darkness and evil that occurred in the game. Something people under the age of 13 might not be able to follow. That was in the past. Now, kids the age of five are masters of Call of Duty and their favorite attack is the knife.
12 Turtle Squad
Wouldn't it be great if the Ninja Turtles were related to Bowser in some way? Maybe they aren't on speaking terms or haven't seen each other in a long time or something but that they were still related.
Maybe they would have some Koopa pals that they keep in touch with as a way to keep tabs on Bowser and his antics.
But then they get the letter about this new guy Mario coming into their realm, knocking them into their shells and throwing them at their friends. It would definitely get the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to come and investigate. It would also remind us that Koopas have loved ones too and that we are hurting dudes who might just be doing their jobs, trying to make ends meet.
11 The Nose Knows
Will there ever be a first-person shooter of Mario games? Who knows what the future will bring us in the next fifty years of life. Games could take all sorts of steps backward and take some hits from the media or politicians.
This could put a strain on the medium and industry as a whole. Forcing companies that had fantastic ironclad series titles to try new things and new modes of gameplay to break away from the norm. People will criticize the side-scrolling and platforming and demand more. No longer will Mario be able to slightly deviate from the recent titles and still sell us full price games.
10 Mama And Papa Aran
Some of us speed through the openings of games because we are so ready to get into the action that we really don't have time to sit and read the story. Sometimes you aren't even sure if you're going to like the game and don't want to get involved with the story if you aren't going to dig the gameplay.
No fault to you, but a lot of these older Nintendo games didn't have a lot of space for a story in their games.
Think about Metroid. You're given a few paragraphs about the mission and the character and then BAM! You're slapped into a world where there's enemies, no clear direction on where to go, and a gun arm that's so awesome you forget to care about anything else. And then the game is just a grind of battle puzzles rewarded by stronger powers. To find out Samus is a woman and she has a horrible past is something we all sort of wish we found out sooner.
9 Dragon Ball Z?
Unknown to many, Chrono Trigger and Dragon Ball the series haveone of the same creators. The guy's name is Akira Toriyama, some of you may recognize the name. You should. He's the creator of Dragon Ball and all the stuff that came after it. He created the characters and helped design them in Chrono Trigger as well. That explains the similarities in appearance. But Lavos' Core definitely looks like Cell. Cell being a villain in the DBZ series. For any of you non-believers.
It also explains why Chrono has the same haircut and animated feel assome male characters in the Dragon Ball series. It's not that it would blow anyone's mind or ruin our childhood but it certainly feels like we should have caught on sooner.
8 Ganon's Best Day
It'd be a pretty wild scenario if this was where Ganon's body had been chilling sinceWind Waker. It'd be really nice to know the timeline of everything in the Zelda Universe. If you're like many of us here at TheGamer, you've poured through the wiki pages dedicated to the chronology of many video game series.
The creators have many of their games' timelines all mapped out and ready to digest.
Whether it's Halo, Final Fantasy, or Mario, the developers have multiple pages of information not included within the main games. None of it is particularly important and spending the time looking on a wiki page is somewhere between reading a novel and its spark notes. It'd be nice to find out that Ganon had to deal with a forehead scar in all his new incarnations. Sort of like Harry Potter.
